Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
