listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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