I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize