He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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