so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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