i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
