remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
