You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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