Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
50% drunk capacity currently
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
