Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
