well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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