it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
