Yo dont text me then not text me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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