Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
