So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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