Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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