the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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