walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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