that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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