i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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