so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
