i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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