I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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