so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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