unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
