After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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