just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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