just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
