Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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