I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
