I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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