God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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