So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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