He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
