And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
