didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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