I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
