I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
