after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
