You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
