A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
