Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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