i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
