I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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