I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
