I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
