Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish I only lived at night.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He shit in the fireplace
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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