I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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