Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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