Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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