you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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