Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
