70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
