I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize