That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
