id be glad to
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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