so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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