I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
