I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A bitchslap is in order.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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