Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
