Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
40s are totally the cure
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
