Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
