Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
