I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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