she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
