He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
