We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
