Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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