I smell stomach acid.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
