I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
