fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
