lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
