Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
