Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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