Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
